The Obamas Went to the G-20 Summit and All I Got Was Anderson Cooper's Lousy "Reporting"

I wasn't surprised by the liberal corporate media's so-called "coverage" of the G-20 summit in London. I fully expected it to focus almost exclusively on inanities of no consequence while occasionally regurgitating a White House press release about Obama's "successes" at the summit, and that is exactly what happened.

I was therefore prepared for CNN's endless parade of guest commentators who were apparently taking part in a contest to see who could come up with the most colorful adjectives whilst gushing over Michelle Obama's personal stylist's choice of outfits. The producers at CNN must have spent weeks beforehand preparing for its coverage of the G-20 by rounding up every person they could find with a British accent and/or an eating disorder to expound upon vital matters such as Michelle Obama's bold decision to drape herself in tattered rags similar to those worn by us proles.

Her choice of J Crew just goes to show that she really is one of the people. J Crew is so affordable and accessible to anyone, and it demonstrates that Michelle is similarly accessible and down to earth. Yet she somehow nonetheless manages to retain a regal aura. How DOES she do it? Cough...hack...cough cough...choke...gag....Pardon me, Anderson, but I think another one of my molars just fell out.

Yeah, J Crew is so fucking cheap, isn't it? Based on the ecstatic groans and outbursts coming out of the talking heads on CNN, one would think that Michelle O. had purchased several ill-fitting outfits at Goodwill and then accentuated them with that neck brace of pearls she always seems to be wearing. And if that doesn't convince you that she's down with the people, just wait awhile. It's only a matter of time before she fist-bumps someone. See? She's down. She's one of us. Just like her hubby Barry.

I was also prepared for the endless discussions of the gifts exchanged between the Obamas and that inbred hag who is little more than a quasi-sentient state flower representing the UK's vestigial monarchy. And OMG did you see how Michelle (gasp!) put her arm around the queen for a second? You didn't? Well, I am fairly certain that CNN devoted two episodes of Larry King Live to what was obviously one of the most important moments of the entire summit (and perhaps world history), so I am sure you'll be able to catch a rerun soon.

I was even prepared for the corporate media's "coverage" of the G-20 protests and their predictable efforts to dehumanize the activists. Unfortunately, it still pissed me off even though I have heard the exact same recycled bullshit about anti-war/anti-globalization/anti-capitalist protests from the corporate media countless times. Of course, they pulled the usual "What exactly are they protesting I mean they seem to have so many different causes" bit. This was followed by their standard attempt at what psychoanalysts call "splitting", which involved framing the G-20 demonstrations as being comprised of "good protesters" and "bad protesters". The "good protesters", of course, are mildly upset about global warming or something. They might even decide to get all crazy and radical and carry a sign while marching around the "permitted" protest zone and chanting softly. The "bad" protesters, on the other hand, are those evil anarchists who don't really know what the G-20 is all about. Hell, they don't even know why the fuck they are there at all. Nah, they simply like to get drunk, break windows, and assault cops for no reason whatsoever.

Gimme. a fucking. break. Most of those "drunk anarchist hooligan kids" could probably beat Wolf Blitzer and Bill O'Reilly at a debate on virtually any geopolitical issue while drunk, stoned and with half their brain tied behind their backs.

Most of those folks at the G-20 demonstration live in Europe. If they simply enjoy drunkenness and senseless wanton violence, all they have to do is go to a football match.

Now, I don't know the exact number of protesters that showed up for the G-20 summit, but according to CNN it was an "unprecedented" number of people. So I think it is safe to assume that a conservative estimate would put their numbers in the tens of thousands. Let me repeat that. Tens of thousands of people showed up to protest the G-20 summit. So what did two of CNN's most intrepid journalists have to say about this rather remarkable phenomenon? Were they intrigued as to why tens of thousands of ordinary people were motivated to show up at the G-20 summit when they could have been at home masturbating instead?

Not really.

In fact, that curmudgeonly piece of petrified giraffe shit Jack Cafferty opined that anyone who had an entire day to spend protesting the G-20 obviously has too much time on her hands.

Oh really Jack? Let me make sure I understand you. When tens of thousands of people gather to protest the G-20 (some traveling long distances to do so at great personal expense) because they have fundamental disagreements with its policies and practices**- something you and your fellow blowhards at CNN might have considered doing an actual story on - well, they need to get a job because they have too much time on their hands. Tell me, Jack: Have you ever made a similar statement about the tens of thousands of people who gather weekly to spend entire days getting drunk in football and baseball stadiums across America? No?

Ok, now I get it. The tens of thousands of people who somehow managed to become aware (despite CNN, FOX and MSNBC's best efforts) of the unpleasant realities surrounding various geopolitical matters (and the secretive organizations that have the power to literally destroy the world) and took the time to organize a massive demonstration (with very few resources...Pepsi wasn't exactly one of their sponsors) need to "get a job". However, when tens of thousands of people pay lots of money for the privilege of gathering to watch a bunch of absurdly overpaid jackasses chase after a ball (sponsored by Pepsi, no doubt), that represents an infinitely more valuable use of a person's time.

You know what? Fuck you, Jack.

Next, we have our gal Anderson "I'll Never Tell" Cooper. Lawd knows she never disappoints. Girlfriend was utterly perplexed by the G-20 protests. At one point, she asked another CNN "news anchor" using a very catty tone , "So, what's the point of these protests? Are people just doing it for the cameras?"

Now, one could perhaps forgive Lady Cooper for her ignorance considering she is a Vanderbilt. She probably grew up quite sheltered in the tower of a castle somewhere in the Upper East Side, constantly letting down her hair for various witches and princes to climb until she one day managed to escape (perhaps she discovered the same escape route as her older brother but unfortunately for us her escape attempt had a different ending). One could perhaps forgive her, but I can't.

Ok, Andreesha, you take the cake. The G-20 protesters were just doing it for the camera? Do you honestly expect me to believe that after spending your whole "career" covering events like the G-20, which are little more than an opportunity for politicians and other members of the ruling class to stroll down the red carpet and pose for the cameras, that you actually think the protesters are the ones who are "doing it for the camera"? I think this picture I found on your blog in addition to your on-air statement about the importance of photo-ops at the G-20 summit indicate that you are quite aware that the last G-20 party was merely a catwalk for Obama and his buddies to preen for the cameras while his award winning PR team made it appear as though he actually accomplished something.

So it's perfectly fine for your filthy rich peers to pose for the cameras while they rape the rest of humanity, but if the rabble have the temerity to protest the capitalist robber barons who have quite literally robbed us blind then, by god, they are just "doing it for the camera". Those stupid proles couldn't possibly have any serious grievances, right?

Andreesha, girl, I think you know what's coming (bitch, I said "coming", not "cumming"...don't get so excited, Mary)...

FUUUUUUUUUUUUCK YOU!

Eloquent and thoughtful response? Nope. But I don't give a shit. It's late and I gotta go take a piss and hit the bed.



**the mugging and robbery of 99.99% of the world's population by a handful of super rich bastards, the destruction of the environment, endless war, etc.

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